I Support Freedom Of Speech...Lol, jks I'm Nicholas Sarkozy

''Fascist....moi?''

It’s not every day that a pesky little chunk of political discourse called freedom of speech, or freedom of the press, for that matter, gets, to put it bluntly, defecated upon from above, but of course that’s because most countries in Europe aren’t unfortunate enough to have an image- conscious, lecherous demon of the Cabinet like Nicholas Sarkozy.

Heads rolled this morning as the admittedly brutal and acid-tongued political humouriste Stéphane Guillon was fired, no, enthusiastically thrown out on his ass, from Radio France due to his comments on the show regarding (you guessed it) Sarkozy being perceived by certain sensitive members of the public, in effect, conservatives, as ‘nasty.’ It must be said that the French word ‘méchant’ does no justice to our sorry Anglophone equivalent, but I suppose ‘sanctimonious cunt’ makes a vaguely suitable substitute for it.


Understandably, the left wing are furious, as although Guillon claimed to have attacked both conservatives and liberals in equal measure, Sarkozy certainly seems to have recently become his favourite toy. Foaming at the mouth, drunk on his own colossal political power (I’m talking about Guillon, actually) he can’t help but drool over the microphone as he spews out onto the radio waves some of the most scathing and destructive political insults known to man and beast. Even the word weasel came up a few times, perhaps in a subtle transatlantic nod to everybody’s favourite acid head, mescaline chomping Hunter S. Thompson. He’s so awesome it would be a total crime not to throw up a large picture of him, and hell, he would more than approve of Guillion’s anti-Sarko craziness.

But mindless drizzle aside, there is an alarming implication at the centre of the media furore – it would seem that Sarkozy, urging to lick his wounds and massage his bruised ego (heavens knows he’s taken a beating in the last six hours, let alone six months) Sarkozy has simply decided to make those that criticize him disappear. Thanks to the darlings at Le Grand Journal, Guillon got a little bit of final exposure on his way out, but for all we know, he could be breaking rocks in some Cuban jail or something, right now. Goddamn Conservatives.

David Cameron Can't Believe You've Done This (Ah, Fuck)

  


   So...uh basically, what he was thinking of was uh, introducing a spate of outrageous new policies which not only tempt disbelief from the most ardent of Tories but also seems to fall woefully to bits after scrutiny- that of course is before he makes the equally bizarre promise of providing ‘Change’ in the ‘New (What the dickens??!) Conservative Party,’ which needless to say strikes most people as something of a colossal oxymoron , unless of course you do happen to be one of the poor, blind weasels out there who truly believe that Gordon Bear managed to single-handedly tear down the foundations of the Global economy, in addition to ruining Britain’s identity in the European market through ‘too much’ investment in public services and the of course the small matter of opening wide those hairy Scottish thighs and giving birth to Broken Britain. Did I mention that we can’t go on like this?



     But just don’t mention the 80s –or Thatcher, or the war, for that matter, and you ought to do just fine. After all, despite having absolutely no experience in managing national finances whatsoever he is, like, sooo much better equipped to drag us out of the economy than Gordon Brown and despite being spawned by a party known for its class consciousness and violating the working class from behind with their giant throbbing private sector members, he is like, sooo much better equipped to address the widening gap between the rich and the poor than Nick Clegg. Duh. So, basically what he was thinking was, uh....wait a second? You didn't vote Tory - you Swine!


(Cameron punched square in the face from off-screen)


‘‘Ah, fuck...I can’t believe you’ve done this!’’


Oh, if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, check this out:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6VoFBCE9k

Tories Branded As Class-Conscious Homophobes. Again.

Hmm. There seems to be a pattern forming here. Not only have a number of MEPs been revealed to have voted against legislation in favour of gay rights in the very recent past, but it’s now also arisen that Home Secretary Chris Grayling, defender of everyone’s human rights, and general nice guy, foolishly stood up for Catholic rights instead of Gay rights during a conference. In other words, when asked if he agreed that Christian B&B owners should accept homosexual couples to sleep together in their homes, he replied in the negative, and then went off on some rather tedious tangent about human rights, and some other details that would undermine the political gender of this Blog – so, let’s move on.

David Millaband put it surprisingly well on Question Time the other evening, also a nice chap by the way – did I mention that all politicians are nice people? He made some sweeping and rather majestic metaphorical speech about the David Cameron wrapper starting to peel off the bar, and we’d all recoil in the horror when the old, monstrous, class consciousness and general ‘let’s bugger the lower class,’ mentality was revealed in all its putrescent hideousness. Well said, David, well said – so well said, in fact, that he was treated to a roar of applause from the audience. Nothing like a session of clapping from the noble British Publick to lighten a politic sprit- oh yes, sir.


However, regardless of eloquent verbosity and Tory spin, a disturbing question- particular disturbing if you’re gay, or black, and god help you if you’re gay and black – was raised about the Tory position on Homosexuals. Are they homophobes? Well, their manifesto stipulates fairly clearly that they’re not. So does David Cameron actually, as he’s been out slapping an impressive amount of wrists ever since this rather concerning revelation was, well, revealed. Grayling has apologized profusely for any way in which his comment might have been interpreted (nice man, that Grayling) and so maybe those who were leaning towards the Tory party, having eaten up that ‘we’ve changed for the best’ crap, will stick a cross in Cameron’s box this May.


Anyone not sitting on a large inheritance they desperately need to protect, or anyone with the base line of intelligence for that matter, ought to have their suspicions raised- maybe there are a number of old school Tory values, i.e homophobia, bubbling under the surface of Cameron’s admittedly highly charming persona and clean cut, new age visage. Nice people, those politicians, did I mention that yet? Of course then again, if you are a massive homophobe, you probably should vote Tory anyway because you’re small and discriminatory brain will be appeased in so many different facets that it will, like, blow your mind.