The End

Anybody who turned up with a head full of sentimental nostalgia, or memories turned palatable and warm over the years, would have been disappointed. In fact, if anything, most people seemed hell-bent upon making sure that the ghastly spectacle of two hundred unrelated students, thrown together by blind luck and perhaps a handful of reluctant common interests, did not become exactly that – the husk of some awful social rite of passage, paraded across Facebook and god knows where else while, presumably, the same perverse ritual was carried out across hundreds of educational institutions across the country. It was.



But there were no sad, chubby children with men’s faces pining wistfully in the background of a photograph and no damp-eyed wretches flitting from clique to clique with a doomsday book of thoughts, or jolts in the brain that resembled thoughts. Nothing but an hour or two, mediocre and anonymous in the sense that those very same gestures were being, had been and would be replicated across the globe thousands of times over, and with each passing occasion it seemed that no statement gained any gravity at all.


There’s the poor cunt with whom you slept/spoke/spat out rumours, and they promise they’ll stay in touch and there seems to be an air of regret/resignation/righteousness about them, but it’s certainly rather bright out here which, it seems, has a habit of dazzling things out of proportion. Of course, they’ll stay in touch, they say. But they won’t.


Nor will you shake hands. I wouldn’t trust those lusty spades, if I were you.

Just Married: Fear and Politics

    It’s a damn shame that every Tory newspaper hates Nick Clegg’s guts, because it seems that he’s just about the only one of those jittery, nervous, randomly smiling freak shows to stand his grounds on any of policies- even the ones that throw the navel gazing middle class into a semi-passionate furore.

   This Liberal Leader has become the subject of nasty, insane, down and dirty newspaper abuse as of recently, nodding in particular to the lower classy-wannabe the Daily Mail, which recently published the somewhat hilarious title: Nick Clegg Makes Nazi Slur! What exactly was this nasty slur, I wonder? The Daily Mail didn’t seem to know – they simple ran his rather pedestrian and harmless quote on the front page and then waffled on about the loss of lives and so on in the second world war, spurting out half baked globs of patriotism all over its dirt cheap paper. Thank you, Daily Mail, for a once again inspiring, astute and totally accurate piece of journalism. Truly top drawer.

   Elsewhere, the Torygraph has been trying and failing to spread some out of date rumours and a couple of half hearted smear campaigns about Nick Clegg but, alas, no one really seems to be taking the bait. (Except of course the morons that actually buy these papers, but these poor fools are unlikely to get round to voting in the first place anyway)

   The low, low level to which these Tory papers will stoop in order to garner a handful of fearful votes from their trembling and anxious readers is almost as depressing as the sheer ease at which Clegg has essentially captured the hearts of the population. Everyone loves him to bits. Of course, one can easily see why he would have endured fifteen minutes of fame after those two rather sterling political debates on TV, especially as he actually bothered to look into the camera, i.e. at the country, but surely this doesn’t merit exalting him as the new Winston Churchill? This damn election seems to have turned into a rat race for the spin doctors – the first to link their figurehead to a man of charisma and characters from the last century or so wins. Just think of that ghastly idea the Conservatives had, trying to make subtle links between Barack Obama and David Cameron, the horror. Vote for Change? More like plagiarism.

   Nonetheless, it looks like the more that Brown and Cameron tear wildly at Clegg’s coat tails as he ascends up into never before explored areas of British politics, like the moral high ground, that it’s more and more likely he’ll be dragged back down into petty squabbling, false promises, and perhaps even the odd expense scandal. After all, this country really does love a good expense scandal now and then.

David Cameron Can't Believe You've Done This (Ah, Fuck)

  


   So...uh basically, what he was thinking of was uh, introducing a spate of outrageous new policies which not only tempt disbelief from the most ardent of Tories but also seems to fall woefully to bits after scrutiny- that of course is before he makes the equally bizarre promise of providing ‘Change’ in the ‘New (What the dickens??!) Conservative Party,’ which needless to say strikes most people as something of a colossal oxymoron , unless of course you do happen to be one of the poor, blind weasels out there who truly believe that Gordon Bear managed to single-handedly tear down the foundations of the Global economy, in addition to ruining Britain’s identity in the European market through ‘too much’ investment in public services and the of course the small matter of opening wide those hairy Scottish thighs and giving birth to Broken Britain. Did I mention that we can’t go on like this?



     But just don’t mention the 80s –or Thatcher, or the war, for that matter, and you ought to do just fine. After all, despite having absolutely no experience in managing national finances whatsoever he is, like, sooo much better equipped to drag us out of the economy than Gordon Brown and despite being spawned by a party known for its class consciousness and violating the working class from behind with their giant throbbing private sector members, he is like, sooo much better equipped to address the widening gap between the rich and the poor than Nick Clegg. Duh. So, basically what he was thinking was, uh....wait a second? You didn't vote Tory - you Swine!


(Cameron punched square in the face from off-screen)


‘‘Ah, fuck...I can’t believe you’ve done this!’’


Oh, if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, check this out:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6VoFBCE9k